Just in case you’ve never personally done your own laundry at home, there’s a process. You need to know that process, in order to make sure you’re doing things the right way, and so that you know what to expect.
1. Stare at the pile of dirty laundry.
2. Laundry did not magically disintegrate under the force of your glare.
3. Swear at the pile of dirty laundry.
4. Laundry did not take the hint that it’s unwelcome here and leave.
5. Think about starting a load of laundry.
6. Think about how long it will take to finish all this laundry.
7. Pour a glass of wine to cope with the trauma induced by that thought.
8. Consider joining a nudist colony.
9. Consider the mom body.
10. Scratch #8. Have another glass of wine.
11. Consider Febreezing everything and re-wearing it one more time.
12. Consider how long that’s been going on already.
13. Scratch #11. Dispair.
14. Decide to start the laundry.
15. Rewash what’s already mildewing in the washer from yesterday.
16. Restart the dryer with the same load for the 3rd time.
17. Stack the clean dry clothes neatly in the laundry basket.
18. Repeat until Thursday when the clothes are still in the laundry basket.
19. Shove the pile of clean clothes to the other side of the couch.
20. Decide to never buy any more clothes for anyone else in the house. Ever.
© 2015 MyLove Barnett, as first published on Scary Mommy